Everything gone is back again.
Denzel’s in another “Equalizer” mishmosh. We got us a new “Mamma Mia.” Tom Cruise in whatever sequel the AARP lets him do. There’s still more “Avengers” avenging. After all the Batmans, next comes Batgrampa. 1976’s “Network” is returning. How about Roseanne’s Roseanne-less TV series. And, please, how do you ex out extra “X-Men”? Once was something called “Zombieland” and creeping up will be some “Son of Zombieland” something.
Remember Birdland? Which played guys like Count Basie? Comes now a newly re-jazzed up Birdland Jazz Theater. The thing opens with a party on the 20th.
In ’96, TV brought us Robert Wuhl’s “Arliss.”
That sports-agent series begins streaming again the 14th, now on HBO. Why? Per one mouth: “It’s an entirely new generation. And satisfies fans who saw it originally.”
That’s assuming they still have strength to turn on the set. So why now? Same mouth: “Sports is bigger now. Back then, it wasn’t cool to be a jock. Now it’s almost de rigueur.”
That’s assuming a jock knows what de rigueur means.
Speaking of the old days, I’m remembering my grandma. Thin, straggly, silver hair. Thick lisle stockings. Serviceable Red Cross shoes, short chunky heels, heavy laces. Dentures. Thick glasses. No makeup. No hearing. Lined face. Worn nails. Shapeless body. Today? Face-lift. Forehead lift. Eyebrow lift. Eyelid lift. Neck lift. Boobs lift. Butt lift. Upper-arm lift. Nose job. Stomach surgery. Collagen, Botox, fillers. Varicose veins devaricose’d. Fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake teeth, fake nails. Spanx. Dermabrasion. Lasers. Contacts. Teeth whitening, diet food.
On the high $eas
So, about the Ritz-Carlton’s new yacht service: 39 different cruises. Not yet ready for prime time, it finally sets sail Feb. 5, 2020. A 10-nighter. Fares from $8,100. Feb. 15 is a cheapo: seven nights to Cartagena, under $5,000. Run by travel pros, you book through the hotel.
Designer Zac Posen wants to produce movies. What he’ll make, who knows. Which will star, who knows. But who she’ll wear — I know! . . . What’s happening to us culturally? Forget politically. The Oscars, poopy. The Tonys, no ratings. Now designers are chickening and Fashion Week’s become fashion weak . . . Some say Woody Allen’s hiding. Not. He’s off taking his daughters to school . . . That hot read “To Die in Vienna” is coming to be a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Britain’s new duchess or whatever Prince Harry’s wife’s title is, dredges up another previous commoner duchess. Fergie. Sarah Ferguson. She worked with Weight Watchers because, not watching her own weight, she gained a few. Anyone know she said George Clooney’s responsible for her trimming off 50 pounds? She has said: “I put his videos in my VCR when I’m on the treadmill. He’s the one keeps me going.”
Ask not whatever happened to onetime wartime big shot hotshot four-star Gen. David Petraeus. Storied, historic, famous — Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Yemen. Gold braid, medals, ribbons, badges, wins — then came the ground war in Washington. He lost. The battlefield was court. A judge. A guilty plea. Mishandling classified information. He escaped jail.
In November, facing an audience at the 92nd Street Y ($35 a ticket), he will discuss his path forward with Max Boot, who’s a conservative, attached to no party.
Crossing Second Avenue in the 80s, T-shirted 50-plus guy with a comb-over speaking loudly on a cellphone: “Listen, if I could relive my sex life, I’d probably make the same mistakes — only this time I’d make them a lot sooner.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.