Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday’s Late Show that he “was shocked and horrified” to watch Notre Dame cathedral burn in Paris on Monday, but “the news isn’t all bad.” There were no deaths, “and while the roof was lost and the spire collapsed, the church itself survived, including the magnificent rose window,” he said, showing his team’s recreation of the stained glass masterpiece on the domed ceiling of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
France has vowed to rebuild Notre Dame, and French corporations and business tycoons have already pledged more than $700 million, but “I just pray that they don’t sell the naming rights,” Colbert joked. “It would just not be the same to visit the Tostitos Notre Dame Cathedral at Monster Energy Ile de la Cite.”
Meanwhile, as “the fire was just raging at its hottest, Donald Trump offered his, um, help?” Colbert said, reading the president’s tweeted advice to use “flying water tankers” and fight the fire “quickly!” He acted out how Trump must have imagined France would react to his unsolicited counsel, but in fact, France’s civil security service did respond, Colbert noted. And “for firefighters, they really know how to give a sick burn.”
Trump also offered unsought advice to Boeing on Monday, and Colbert took Trump’s rhetorical question — “What the hell do I know?” — literally. “Not much, which is maybe why you shouldn’t be tweeting about how to put out fires and fix planes,” he said. “First you should learn how to drink a glass of water, close an umbrella, and pass a flag without copping a feel.”
Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s redacted report will now be released Thursday, not Tuesday, as originally planned, Colbert said. “The Justice Department delayed it with no explanation. I have a feeling they’re hoping to bury it over that holiday weekend, because if there’s one thing Easter is famous for, it’s things staying buried.” He winked. Watch below. Peter Weber